Greetings Funeral Business Builders,
Twenty-four years ago today, I was sitting in a business mastermind meeting when someone opened the conference room door at 9 AM and said that a plane had hit one of the twin towers in New York.
We absorbed the news, discussed it briefly, and continued our meeting. Ten minutes later, the same person returned with an update that stopped us cold: a second plane had hit the other tower.
We immediately paused our meeting and turned on the television. What we saw changed everything. This wasn’t an accident—it was something much more devastating. We ended our meeting, and I returned to my office to find all of my employees gathered around a TV, watching in silence.
In that moment, we all shared the same instinct: we needed to see what was happening. We couldn’t simply hear about it secondhand or read about it later. Something deep within us demanded that we witness the reality of what had occurred.
The Universal Need to See
That day revealed something profound about human nature. When faced with tragic, life-altering events, we have an innate psychological need to see the outcome with our own eyes. It’s how we process the impossible, how we move from disbelief to acceptance.
Think about how many times the footage from that morning was replayed. People watched it over and over—not out of morbid curiosity, but because seeing helped them comprehend something incomprehensible. The images, as difficult as they were to watch, provided a form of closure that words alone never could.
This same psychological need surfaces during our most personal tragedies.
When Personal Tragedy Strikes
When I entered the funeral industry two years after 9/11, one of my first clients shared how he used that national experience to help families understand their own difficult choices. He would gently explain that just as we needed to see what happened on September 11th to truly comprehend it, families often need to see their loved one to begin processing their loss.
Not every family feels this need, and that’s perfectly natural. But for those who do, denying them that opportunity can leave them struggling with unresolved grief for years to come.
When a death is sudden or unexpected—a heart attack, an accident, a stroke—families are often left in a state of disbelief. “I just saw him yesterday,” they say. “She was fine when I talked to her this morning.” The mind struggles to accept what the heart knows is true.
For many families, seeing their loved one provides what psychologists call “reality confirmation.” It’s the bridge between “this can’t be happening” and “this is really happening.” Without that visual confirmation, some families remain suspended between denial and acceptance.
The Gift of Seeing
A viewing—whether public or private—offers families more than just the opportunity to say goodbye. It provides tangible proof that allows the grieving process to truly begin.
This doesn’t mean every family needs or wants a traditional open-casket viewing. Some families find comfort in a brief private moment with just immediate family. Others may choose to have the casket present but closed, simply knowing their loved one is there. The key is honoring the family’s need to see in whatever way feels right to them.
When families resist the idea of a viewing, sometimes a gentle conversation about this universal human need can help. You might say, “Just as we needed to see the events of September 11th to truly understand what happened, some families find that seeing their loved one helps them begin to accept this loss. It doesn’t have to be public—we can arrange a private moment for just family if that would be more comfortable.”
Why This Matters
In our efforts to make funeral service more affordable and personalized, we sometimes forget the deeper psychological needs that viewings serve. They’re not outdated traditions or unnecessary expenses—they’re responses to fundamental human nature.
Twenty-four years later, we still remember exactly where we were and what we saw on September 11th. Those images, difficult as they were, helped a nation process collective trauma. In the same way, the opportunity to see a loved one one final time can help families process their personal tragedy and begin their journey toward healing.
Until next week,
John
